Savior

Peace -
Your warm, soft
touch on
my lonely skin...
In deepest dreams
I feel you -
...reaching.

Love - feeling you
as I sit in
dark corners,
on my knees

desparate...
praying...

The sound of
your heart, the
sound of ...hope
With your kiss,
I feel awakened -
no longer broken...

...saved.

Amazing how you
have brought
me - back -
From...

sorrow
empty...
abandoned hope,

Rediscovery of
my life, what
I knew - that
innocent lady -

numbness turned to...
awe.

My love, you are
my peace,
my reason for
no longer begging...
no longer locked in
that cold, sleeping
...face...

Alive, in your arms
in your smile, I
Grow...
In your acceptance,
Awareness of my
being...
...my dreams of
finding true
awesome...

...are no longer like empty
prayers, no longer
crying pleas through
gasping breaths...

But...real.

Saved.

Lost

I've lost
her.

Those kind
eyes, that
warm
touch, that soothing
calm...

Shattered.

I thought I
knew her.

I thought we
were one - that
she felt..

pretty
needed

forgiven.

I see her -
on a lonely
park bench, sipping,
reading
breathing cold air
into the night wind.

Shadows passing, never
looking over, never
asking -

I miss her.
I miss...

happy, kind,
enveloping
hope...

As Fall turns
and leaves go
dry - her
tears continue...

Lost, unknown
suffering.

She's here, I know -
And with each kind
smile, and warm
grip to another
hand, I say

Sweet girl, don't
cry
Don't hide...

remember...becoming.

I've lost her...but,
I know she lingers in
quiet dreams of
someday
holding
happiness...closer

Answering my prayers
to come home
again -

and be.

"Soul Train"

You made a list.
What should I bring?

I watched as you went
Away on
That train –

My tears waving, your face
Peering through
Dim, clouded glass.

Give me at least
One smile – one wave
Goodbye
One look to say
"You're on my mind"

Packed your soul in a
Suitcase,
Your favorite shoes in a
Bag – got your rum and your
Coke and your love
In a sack – whispering to you
As you pull away … did we forget anything?

Yet as black smoke
Rounds the corner,
I meet our memories
By the track
Please come back.

My face, my truth
I think you forgot to pack us too.

.For the dust has cleared
The train – has vanished.
Searching for
Last words, what I meant to say –
Feeling…ended

Realizing, as my loneliness croons

That who I was bought a
Ticket and is riding
In you.

The Light

Like letters in the sand,
I felt like
washing away...

Slowly, I felt like
no longer

trying

Even my sweetest of
smiles

Washed. Eroded.

Then came you.

I looked closer -
I saw light.

You are like the
friend I'd been missing...and hoping
for,

The ear that listened,
and understood...

...like the song I'd been...
humming,

Words not remembered -

Then suddenly,
...lyrics.

I feel like shining
When I see someone like

You...

A triumph,
A welcome smile,
A soothing wave on a lost
beach....finally discovered.

Thank you for...

trying
inventing
dedicating yourself to you

For being...
Beautiful, human,
emotional, truthful
For simply speaking -

and sharing that with others.

Thank you for
helping me

remember

I am...
Beautiful, human,
emotional

I can say it hurts...that
I can...need,
That I am able to reach out,
and be whole again,
truthfully.

I am
lit and...

Growing.

Thank you.

Night Blind

Solid fingers-
Those tepid streams devour
Me.
Salt pounds my lips
In a heightening persuasion,
My time is up.

Rip life out
Through tattered sheets.
Unveil this truth that life does not go on,
No, not from here.

When the mellow hum of your hollow soul
Drowns out each deafening scream of
Me.

When you don't bother to hear, or stop to see,
That I am only half of what I
Used to be,
Just pale, and bones.

When you don't notice
That I pass out, fall over, hallucinate.

When you laugh
Because you think I mean to.

When I scream out for help
Past your bedtime,
When your walls are too thick
And you sleep in peace.

When the mirror is shattered
Because I cannot look anymore…not
At this abandoned tomb,
At these silent eyes
That only watch
And cry.

Time is up and I flow away
Warm drips
Across the tepid tile.

I slowly find my way
Through the door into the winter air.
The cold pierces my catacomb with the numbing truth.

I take my last, hollow breath
Feel the heat embrace
Fade out,
As you come running.

Crack my powdered bones
As you reach to remember
Your ignorance,
And realize,
I can be selfish too.

Ask again
And again
Who do you blame…
As I disintegrate in the palm of your trembling hands
And whisper so softly in dying words,
Your time is up.

Solitude

Wishing you would
Walk in
Maybe –
You will say
Yes…
Yes – you are beautiful
And I think of you
When all is
Wrong.
Dark becomes the light
In my heart that
I have been
…missing.
You are like
Wonderful…
This life that I
Have not
Had
This day that I
Have never
Lived.
But…
This room is
Empty –
Full of
Space and
Unknown faces
…Fear.
Like my swollen
Heart – only full
Of
…hope?
You remind me of
When I felt
Joy on a rainy day
During a month
Of no
Sun.
You are not here
These crowded
Corners – full of
Black.
Like the way my
Heart signs
And resigns
When I realize I
Was merely
Seeing a shadow –
Hearing my own
Voice –
Telling me of
These wanting
Dreams – words …
You may never
Understand.
I speak of the
Way…I
Feel…
Of how
I need you
To
Be.

In my Dreams

I've waited for you
Waited for this
Moment – dreamt
Imagined
Hoped…

The doors are closed
My thoughts
Open –
Visions of you
Taking me away
Beneath sheets of
Cotton – satin
Hands
Touching me in
Ways I have never
Imagined –could be
done
Our shadows locked
In
Passion –

Lips unfolding
Intertwining
Into each crevice
Molding together
Thrusting in
Deep colors of black
And gray –
I surrender to each
Breath
To your every
Stroke.

Finding you here
Waiting
In calm words you say
It is time
Now…
…I pray you are real.
…
And as the sun rises
And the moon
Falls to dream

Envy awakens me
From my own
Lies –
Good Morning I say
Eyes aglow

This bed tells me
You are alone.

Silence rolls over
Empty pillow rubs its eyes
Sleep well
It asks
In a hollow tone

Have Sweet dreams…?

As I rise from hope
To start a new
Day…

And my nightmare of
Being without
You
Begins again.

Hollow

Empty heart
Restless, impatient,
Tossing
Turning
In deepest nights
Full of thoughts
Dreams
Fantasies
Of you coming
Home.

In the darkest
Moment of burning
Tears
I lie awakened
By
Silence.

I listen for your
Voice
For your whisper
Of my name
Telling me to
Make
Love
To … you.

But only the walls
Speak in words
I do not want
To hear –
Here is where
You are
Not –

Left here to dream
To wonder
To remember
To illusion –
What I am not
What you are
Where you are
While I lie here

Awakened by
Wanting
To hold you close.

This empty bed
Empty
Heart
Full of the hollow
Guilty
Broken feelings
You left
Behind

While you sleep
And dream
I cry and hope
That you awaken
To the shadow
Of my soul

Holding yours.

Liar

When I cannot stop
Thinking
Breathing
Moving
To the sound of
Your voice
I try
Not
To
Fall.

Yet time stands
So
Still –
And I present you
With the look
I give when you
Walk into
The room.

I still give you
The smile I
Feel when you
Softly touch
My hand…

How are you
You ask
As I breathe in
Slowly…

I'm doing great
The world is mine,
I wake up to the sound
Of deep…awesome
…
I was never a
Liar until your
Kiss and now –

I'm lost, forgotten,
Wishing, hoping
Hallucinating –
Taken hostage.

I wish I could say
What is real
When you are here, when you
Ask.

I wish I could
Just say
I'm
In love
Fallen
With
For you.

Confused words I
Keep with me
Caring, needing,
Feelings
Never sleeping.

Yet as you walk away
With a simple step
In the other
Direction –

I breathe again
And hope
This fantasy
Will walk out the door
With
You.

Incompletion

If I could possibly
Describe
The way your face
Lights…me
When the night falls…
These dark shadows
Would be…
Completion.
When your soft hands,
Touch my
Lonely brow –
When your lips,
Embrace…
When the sky falls victim
To dark clouds,
And my porchlight, dims –
Your sweet taste lingers,
And the smoke from your
Cigarette
I inhale…
Exhaling, you speak,
The white clouds
Circle you
In perfect strokes…
Maybe we will
Be one
Someday.
Maybe I will
Feel more than
Your perfect
Kiss.
Maybe my
Patient ears will hear you say..
If I could only describe
The way your face
Lights … me…
When the night falls…
My dark shadow would be…
Completion.
Touching me with
Smooth hands…
You should feel
My prayers…
That you will
Find your own
In my quiet kiss…
That these moments
Will not
End…
That I am your only
One…
That someday
Is now.

Just Breathe

Saturday night
I am thinking of you.
Listening to your favorite song,
Drinking it down.
Last drop gone and I swallow…
My tears fall
So silent…
Remembering your blank face –
Have a nice life.
I repeat those dull words as the song plays over…
And I whisper your name again.
The ring stares hopeful into my impatient eyes –
Maybe you will come home.
2 AM, phone by my bed,
Maybe you will call like you always did…
Middle of the night, goodnight my love.
I repeat those sweet words, play the song over,
Drinking it down.
Last drop gone and I fall asleep –
She is yours now,
And I am left alone…
As loneliness creeps into the bed beside me, and keeps me awake.
I hope you are happy…
As the dim morning light of Sunday dances across the walls,
I imagine her in your arms, and I cry again.
Each tear sings
That song plays over
I swallow-
I want to hide again from another day.
Grin and bear it – it is over now.
I wake once again to the memories of your voice.
Just breathe, I say –
Gasping the tears into my cold, dry lips…
As the loneliness awakens
Drinking me down.

It's Still You

Salt on the wounds
Sipping each drop
Deep down
Inside.
Watch as I bleed in deafening hues
Of these dull colors
That run me dry.

I see you before me
In different shades
Investigating my impatient eyes
Like you don't realize
These tears.

I am cracking with each hour,
In this lonely corner
Embracing shadows,
Wishing…

Thinking of the words
The sentences
Describing
This paralysis, this haunting
Of what I cannot have
Constantly
Fantasies
Of …you.

And as the night falls
And my curtains close
You will embody
The shadow that is not mine.
And while I wish
And while I sketch
On this faded canvas
Along the walls
Of my thirsty soul
You and I
Intertwined…

You will betray with your soft kiss
On those gentle lips
As my envy
Devours…

And the salt on these wounds
Burns
And swallows
My tired
Hollow ashes.

Haunted

Sweat breaks the silence,

The room spins, my eyes revolve,
I don't remember if it was you or not.

I saw that dark face in the quiet air –
Staring me down with deep,
Wrong eyes.
As the night grows older, I am afraid to sleep.
Petrified to hear your black voice,
Bouncing between the hollow walls.
The windows speak,
Whispering of your intruding lies –
That was you walking in my dreams, they say.

Ravishing those blood stained sheets, you laughed.
And I hear that cackle despite the wind.
I wish you would leave me alone,
Let me heal the wounds…

I will never forget the screams,
The pleads,
The incessant fighting,
Why didn't you listen?

The walls are sleeping now, as the light shines in.
One more night, eyes swollen from the pain.
Maybe someday I will greet you,
Take your hand in my dreams,
And bleed you with bare skin.

Just like you laughed,
When I took my last, innocent breath.

The Inspiration

Well, I've decided to start blogging my poetry. I don't think the blog on My Space really fits my writing well - and I figure this way, I'll be much more on top of things.

I've been writing since I was 8 years old. I've taken many creative writing classes - but my biggest inspiration comes from real life events, real life people - each thing you read hits home emotionally for me. I only write descriptions of how I feel or have felt - I don't necessarily imagine what it might feel like - because then I don't feel I'd be truthful with my poetry.

Enjoy - and please always leave comments. I love them.